The constant drones of the machines fill my ears... The sound leads me to think that this is all i'm meant for: A life surrounded by steel. Cold, emotionless, unyielding steel. There isn't much left to think of... Love that has come and gone, Friends that are with those they care for, and Hope that just flew out the window. All i have now are these machines.

Sometimes, i wish i could be more like the automatons i care for. Emotionless. Focused. Efficient. Unaffected by the human condition. I want to know what life is like without feeling. I want to be able to write and know what to say instead of stopping every minute for inspiration. I want to live without frowning or worrying all the time. I want and i want and i want.

Prayers go unanswered and each day is another disappointment waiting to happen. I tire of the incessant requests and procedures. i want to live up to what i was designed to be. I need to satisfy this emptiness inside. I need to feed this rage that has built up over the years. I long to take what's mine...

She says everything's going to be okay... that i'll do just fine. She also said she loved me. At least i know how "okay" i'm about to feel. I also know that forever lasts about a year, maybe less. I learned that loving only one person entails not getting caught with the other. I learned that her "mom" is actually a guy she's been making out with.

I don't want to do this shit anymore.

Fuck it.